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16 posts
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Why We Don't Use The Term "Private" For The One-to-One Messaging On Aidpage

Emil started this conversation
Jan 24, 2011

A member recently asked us (the AidpageTeam) about the privacy of one-to-one pages. More specifically - can other people access those pages?

The technical answer is - no, only you and the other person can access the one-to-one page you share. Other Aidpage members cannot access that page.

But the true answer is - yes, other people could eventually see the info you posted on a one-to-one page (without accessing the page itself). And it is simple enough to see how.

Anything you post on a one-to-one page... can be copied by the other person and later re-posted somewhere else (on the web or in email to other people).

But, remember... the same is true for any communication outside(!) of Aidpage. When you send a normal email to someone, you lose control over the information in your email. The content of your message is copied on the computer of that other person and stays there even you delete this email from your computer. And this is true for any other form of electronic messaging - instant messaging, AIM, chats, Facebook private messaging, etc.

Generally speaking, on the web, there is no way to have a guarantee for absolute privacy. Anything you share with another person might be shared with other people - by simple copy/paste, forward, etc.

That's why, we don't use the term "private" for the messages on Aidpage.

So... what does this mean?

It means that you should look at this as a question of trust between you and the other person.

It means also that we (all members of Aidpage) should frown upon re-sharing of info outside of the one-to-one page where it was originally posted. The implied trust of the one-to-one page should not be broken.

Exception to that rule would be when a member needs to notify AidpageTeam about cases of perceived offending language, spam/scam messages, etc. We strongly suggest to contact directly AidpageTeam in such occasions. Please, do NOT talk to other members in such occasions because you may spread a false accusation. We know from experience that people do not always understand correctly the intended meaning of written messages. This is the most common reason for tensions between members of online communities. Saying "sorry" after the fact may not heal the wound you may cause by incorrectly “outing” someone. Don't forget - most people on Aidpage are already feeling vulnerable for many good reasons.

Please, add your thoughts in the comments...

Click here to add your comment...
Starshine
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   Okay see you later.
reply to Starshine
Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Starshine...   Talk to you later. Tootles
reply to Schmidty
Starshine
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   Talk to you later
Tyler the two year old is at the door with his mom. Got to get a little sun today later this afternoon.
reply to Starshine
Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Starshine...   Not unless we were drones.Then would we have no idea on whether we were peaceful or not. We'd have nothing to judge it by or the sense to know the difference.
Well, the situation is over and done with as you can tell it bothered me so much that I trembled with fear.lol Don't worry about it, just don't do it again.lol
Talk to you later, tootles.
reply to Schmidty
Starshine
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   I don't know what comments I made to you that blind sided you and sorry if I did. I read stuff yesterday that put me out of character really bad yesterday and the person was removed plus I didn't ask for them to be removed. I am trying to think , my ex lost my trust and perhaps my sister lost my trust. Other than that at a blank who else might have lost my trust.
I like all the people in this family here on Aidpage too. I just saw someone on the board that I had not heard from today and I wonder what is going on.
We are all different that is for sure. Be boring if we were all alike. Might be more of a peaceful world if we were.
Take care
Starshine
reply to Starshine
removed
Jan 24, 2011
I think you are correct it is a question of trust. We build bonds and relationships and has sheshe pointed out we get comfortable. We begin to view the person sitting at a computer as our friend. It's not like our every day lives where we are able to see the flaws of our family and friends that we share space with. We accept others here based on what they tell us, and some times that results is a wonderful friendship, and some times that results in a let down. We don't have the advantage of getting to really know others on a personal bases, and there may be times that our trust is crushed and our hearts are broken, but that's how we learn. We can either pick up the pieces and move on like adults, or we can sit back and complain.
The one to one's should not be used as our personal battle ground in which we seek to revenge someone who disagrees with our way of thinking. I was taught that if you cannot say something nice then it's best to say nothing at all. I was also taught to be honest and straight forward, and if I have a problem I need to go to the source not through coping and pasting and back stabbing.
I view this site has I would a family. There are some we love dearly and there are some we learn to accept. There are some who need comfort and some that have the ability to comfort. There are some that have wisdom, and some that are still learning. Everyone here is searching for something, and maybe we need to look at them with more compassion and understanding.
Trust takes time to earn, but can be destroyed with a few words. Maybe there are times we need to listen more and talk less. And we need to remember whatever someone shares with us in the one to ones was meant to be kept between us, and try our best to honor the trust.
God Bless
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Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to sheshe030...   Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. You have many that trust you. I know that you wouldn't betray a or that confidance which is given to you . You are straight forward yourself which is one of a thousand reasons why I like you . Later
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Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Starshine...   Thank you, you should know about trust.You have many people who have and do trust you. There are comments that you have made to me that kind of blindsided me, but I just ignore it.
I have heard a thing or two that has put you out of character. Don't ask me who because you aren't privy to that information.

I know the meaning of trust, the people who I rode with had to trust each other and stick up for each other even if that person was wrong, but that was the group dynamic.

Just like any family trust becomes an issue at times.I like all the people in this family, so far and as far as I can throw them as one would say. Each and everyone of us is different.

I guess what I'm saying is, is if you have some one who is willing to trust you then you should keep that trust because like in any family of even a marriage, once that trust is lost it is very hard to gain that persons trust again, even if they say other wise.
Now, I'm just rambling , so off I go. Later
reply to Schmidty
mamashe/sheshe
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   Reply to Schmidty:---You have always been a man that will say it like it is dear friend and i find that admirable. After all I think people want to hear the truth and at times it can be not what they want to hear but what they NEED to hear and I have found your honesty very refreshing to say the least. I think that we all get a false sence of comfort here after awhile and think that what we share behind closed doors is going to stay that way but come on we're on a COMPUTER for Gos's sake, and we need to remind ourselves of that everytime we want to "confide" in another aidmate and it is all a matter of trusting who your "confiding in. have a good one. Sincerely sheshe030
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Starshine
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   I agree exactly with what you said about someone copies and paste your message a one to one in another place are betraying your trust.
reply to Starshine
Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to sheshe030...   That is unless yu just don't give a rat's patutty about what other people think about you. Which in my case, I do and I don't, realisticly. I've always been that way. Take me or leave me, that's the way i look at it. It's like me stating right now," that's just between you and me." A thousand odd eyes reading this message yet it's between you and me. hahahahahahahaha that always gets me. Just goes to show you shouldn't say to someone what you wouldn't say to their face.
reply to Schmidty
Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Emil...   Ain't that the truth.
i have the same problem with a profile picture. That's why I went with the one I did.I figured good enough.Got a laugh out of that . Take care.
reply to Schmidty
mamashe/sheshe
Jan 24, 2011
 in response to Schmidty...   Reply to Schmidty:Boy Howdy, you aren't kidding about that, I have to admit that I am guilty of at times letting my temper and passion for the subject get the best of me and I have written a few one to one's that I would not want anyone to read outside of the intended pary but we have to learn that whatever is printed in these machines is FOREVER, even is we delete it there are those that can retrieve it so never think that just because it's deleted that it's off the computer. Very wise comment Schmidty, ...very widr. sincerely sheshe030
reply to mamashe/sheshe
Emil
Jan 24, 2011

 in response to Schmidty...   Thank you Schmidty...

And thanks for liking my new picture.

If you only knew how much time I spent trying to get a picture that would make me look reasonably good... Not an easy task I must tell... :)

And yeah... you're right - you can say: as "private" as we can get... no matter online or offline. But still, we don't want people to be "shocked" when something leaks out. If US diplomats' conversations can be leaked out... anything can... :)

reply to Emil
Schmidty
Jan 24, 2011

Very well put, even I can understand it. You guys do a great job.
Oh, by the way, your profile picture(this one) looks much better than the old one.
Thanks for all the help.

 

I'd like to add, in my opinion, that the one-to-one is private though. You are correct that once you put it into you computer there is loss of control, but if the other party takes that information and copies and paste it to someone or another place,they are the ones betraying your trust. Much like a tattle tale or a gossiping meme.You soon learn who you can talk to "privately" and who you can't. Just like in the old days with the CB, you don't put anything out there(in the air or on the wire) that you don't want other people to know about.

Just my thought on the matter.

reply to Schmidty